Author Topic: People asking to sit in? (Read 614 times)

glocke · « **on:** October 30, 2014, 10:36:57 AM »

Had a request from the guitar player I play with, bass player from another band in the area apparently asked him to ask me if he could sit in on bass.

Thoughts on this? The guy can play, no question about that..I've just always looked at asking if you can sit in to be a little presumptious, especially when I don't really know the guy all that well personally.

I also want to distinguish between being invited and asking. I've invited people I know personally and whom I know who can play if they want to sit in, but have always found the whole asking to sit in thing to be a little rude..at least it's not something I would ever do...

I ended up contacting the guy also to talk about what song he would be playing...this is the response I got when I asked if he'd be ok with sitting in on a particular tune...

I hear you don't want to learn it..lol. Yeah xxx is fine by me. You only giving me one? LOL

as far as the not wanting to learn it part goes, its not that i dont want to learn, its just that between the time the setlist was sent out and the date of the gig I am just not going to have a chance to over it.

Glynn · « **Reply #1 on:** October 30, 2014, 10:51:53 AM »

I'm a bit hard in this area,I'm afraid.
Nobody uses my Alembic or my amp and speaker - is he proposing to use your gear? If so, then I think that is a cheek! If not then use him as a deputy if you can't make a gig and see how he gets on - might be useful.
I'd be suspicious as to his motives. Ask him if you can sit in in his band and wait for the reply!!
Glynn

oddmetersam · « **Reply #2 on:** October 30, 2014, 11:51:32 AM »

Hey, Greg!
I would personally never ask a band if I could sit in -- especially at an actual gig. I've been invited (rarely!) to hang out at a rehearsal and maybe jam on one of their numbers but not to perform with them live; the real key being it should be an invitation extended by the entire band in the first place. Not the other way around.

In my book, if that's the extent of his response to you as quoted, he sounds too cavalier and (as you already noted) presumptuous rather than grateful and humble. That's a red flag in and of itself.

Finally, it's not worth burning bridges on the local scene, but it's also sub-optimal to establish a green light for similar requests in the future. I think I'd also sit down with my bandmates to make sure they are all clear on my thoughts on this.

mtjam · « **Reply #3 on:** October 30, 2014, 01:27:53 PM »

At one of my gigs, we were in the middle of our set when two guys walked in carrying their guitars. This was not an open mic night, mind you. We know the guys, but not well enough to invite them to jam with us. The more outspoken of the two asked if they could play during our break. We informed them that we were hired by the bar, so it was not our call to have intermission music. The guy persisted, and even threw $20 in our tip jar (thinking that would get them up there). The level of desperation was ridiculous. When the gig was over, they still tried to play. They were finally told by the bartender that they would not play! As we packed up, we found them strumming their acoustic guitars on the sidewalk in front of the bar. Ugh!

I would never expect any band to let me sit in. If they ASK me to, that's another story. On the rare occasion I get out to see another band, I am there to support them, not grovel for my moment in the spotlight!

There's my .02 on the subject. I love to jam with many musicians, but I don't expect them to make me a part of their show.

5a_quilt_top · « **Reply #4 on:** October 30, 2014, 02:20:06 PM »

+1 on loving to jam - but I sit in only if the band asks me and I do so only if all of the members are agreeable to it. I respect the fact that the band has been contracted or asked to play and are therefore professionals who are performing a service.

To me, asking to sit in would be like barging uninvited into a meeting in my office or crashing a wedding or private party.

Specific to your situation, I think it's rude of the individual to not ask you directly and then compound that by insulting you (...you don't want to learn it...) and being greedy (...only giving me one?).

If playing the material in question is critical to guarantee a successful performance by your band and you are, due to circumstances, unable to learn it, I'd consider letting him do it as a favor to your bandmates.

Otherwise, his attitude indicates that he may have ulterior motives.

edwardofhuncote · « **Reply #5 on:** October 30, 2014, 02:43:03 PM »

Yeah, I have to go with the majority here... Emily Post didn't include bass player's etiquette, but this is an easy one. =)

I would never ask to sit in with a band, and would only do it if I were asked to. And only then, provided it was cool with their regular guy. Chances are, I'd know him and we're friends.

lbpesq · « **Reply #6 on:** October 30, 2014, 03:06:47 PM »

I heartily agree, sitting in should be something one is invited to do.

That said, I must confess to one serious violation in my past. When I got married in 2001, a buddy of mine held the guitar chair in JGB, so we wound up with Melvin Seals and the guys (and girl singer) as our wedding band. I admit that I volunteered myself to sit in with them. However, I was the groom and I was paying them.

When it came time for my showcase, I was admittedly a little nervous and intimidated. I looked over at Melvin, and he was giving me the look. You know the look. Heck, I've given it myself. He had no idea if I could play or sing, but there I was sitting in due to the circumstances. I played the opening riff for The Weight, sang a few lines, then looked over at Melvin again, who was looking right back at me with a huge smile. I immediately relaxed and enjoyed my time with JGB. One high point of the wedding, at least for me, was when my lovely wife went over to Melvin during a break to thank him, and he said to her: Your old man can really play.

But absent an unusual situation like the above, sitting in should be by invitation only.

Bill, tgo

slawie · « **Reply #7 on:** October 30, 2014, 06:56:17 PM »

Bill I did the same thing at my sons wedding and also my daughters wedding.

I paid for the bands and wanted to do a little tribute to my kids for their wedding celebrations.

It went down really well on both occasions because there were quite a number of folks there that were unaware of my capabilities and have never been to any of my gigs. The crowd response was rather humbling.

I have had one chap who asked to sit in as he was the old bass player from the last band I was in.
The band leader said to him You had your chance with this band! Go forth and multiply (actually it was the colloquialism for the last part of the statement)

Good to see the BL had my back on that occasion.

I consider asking to sit in a musicians/performers faux pas.

slawie

gtrguy · « **Reply #8 on:** October 30, 2014, 07:15:12 PM »

As far as the clubs we play in; I try to get everyone to show up at one of our gigs any way I can, and one of the good ways is to invite every musician and singer I know to come and sit in for a few tunes! It makes for a fun evening with some more variety and the bars and clubs like to see the warm bodies!

For a corporate event, having someone go up that works for the company will guarantee that the crowd pays attention and has fun.

It is a great marketing tool and you may need those folks in your band someday. I also am way more likely to go see a band with friends in it, if I can get up and play.

However, never would I have a total stranger come up.

If there is anyone well know in the crowd (famous local musician or singer), I always try to acknowledge them and get them to perform too.

bassman10096 · « **Reply #9 on:** October 30, 2014, 08:23:43 PM »

I like to invite quality players and singers who I know to sit in - generally only for a song. I never do this in bigger venues or where I don't feel absolutely secure in our goodwill with management. We owe it to the folks who hire us to be the one who delivers the show. On the other hand, I've never said yes to anyone who asked to sit in, nor have I ever asked a band if I could sit in myself (notwithstanding Bill and Slawie's situations!).

cozmik_cowboy · « **Reply #10 on:** October 30, 2014, 10:32:23 PM »

My feelings, Greg? This guy is the drunk with the harp in the wrong key in the front row at every blues gig ever.

Peter

pauldo · « **Reply #11 on:** October 31, 2014, 01:58:23 AM »

Greg,
I mirror what others say.
(Peter- I know that guy!).

A concern that popped into my head is the potential of a lack of integrity from your guitarist.

Pardon me ass-u-ming, but it seems he should have said:
Greg, you know that new song, XXX? I really, REALLY, want to play it at our next show, I understand you won't be ready to play it by then. Do you mind if this other bassist sits in?

The whole situation as you describe it sounds shisty to me.

Good luck!

keith_h · « **Reply #12 on:** October 31, 2014, 04:53:59 AM »

What Paul said along with the other posts. Something doesn't seem quite right here.

Keith

serialnumber12 · « **Reply #13 on:** October 31, 2014, 06:03:30 AM »

when I sit in with cats my rule is to follow my ass...???? your set list.... I came to jam dammit!!

pauldo · « **Reply #14 on:** October 31, 2014, 08:17:57 AM »

Keavin can sit in on any show that I play AND he can play my Distillate!
:-D