Author Topic: Ok, my attempt at humor (Read 869 times)

Paul Ellsworth (elzie) · « **on:** August 23, 2002, 06:37:16 PM »

A man named Carl had worked very hard and decided to take a cruise to a very exotic and remote island.

After two days sail, the ship finally anchored a distance from the island destination. Carl heard a noise in the distance, boom boom bam boom.

He then asked the cruise director, what is that noise?, to which the director answered, Oh, don't worry about that.

So now Carl gets on the transport boat and as he gets closer to the island, the noise gets louder. A little shaken, Carl asks the boat's operator what the noise was. He got the same response, Don't worry about that noise.

So now Carl is in his room resting when the noise starts again, only louder, BOOM BOOM BAM BAM BOOM BOOM.

So Carl jumps up off the bed, runs outside and grabs one of the natives. As he is shaking the native he asks, What is that noise?!

To which the native replies:

Ooooh, that noise is drum solo. You hope that noise no stop

Carl asked why. The native answered:

After drum solo come bass solo

Yes, I heard it from a drummer.

Charles David Tichenor (alembic76407) · « **Reply #1 on:** August 24, 2002, 02:27:36 PM »

What do you call someone that hangs around musicians?

?

A DRUMMER !!!!!

Paul Ellsworth (elzie) · « **Reply #2 on:** August 24, 2002, 05:48:45 PM »

LOL! Oh yeah! A drummer bashing post

Paul Lindemans (palembic) · « **Reply #3 on:** September 18, 2002, 09:31:29 AM »

I heard the drumsolojoke from ...Mark King! He told it once on a TV-documentary!
Now...how about this one?

Question: Do you know how to make a bass player playing less loudly???

Answer: Just give him a piece of sheet music!

HA!

Paul

Jonathan Johnstone (stoney) · « **Reply #4 on:** September 18, 2002, 10:01:15 AM »

Definition of perfect pitch: When you throw your Warwick out the window into the dumpster....and it lands right on top of the Fender Precision Bass.

Charles David Tichenor (alembic76407) · « **Reply #5 on:** September 19, 2002, 10:31:23 AM »

Whats the differance between a banjo and an onion

Answer: nobody cries when you chop up a banjo

James L. Martin (malthumb) · « **Reply #6 on:** September 20, 2002, 07:30:16 PM »

Another one I've been hearing lately:

Q: How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One...Five...One...Five...One...Five...

Reid Raymond (rraymond) · « **Reply #7 on:** September 21, 2002, 01:39:15 PM »

Q: What's the difference between a jazz musician and a 14 inch pizza?

A: A 14 inch pizza can feed a family of four.

Paul Lindemans (palembic) · « **Reply #8 on:** November 25, 2002, 05:30:23 AM »

About Alembics.

This story comes from the time I had an MK signature Standard body with a point and my SII 5 string with the omega cut-out.

A painoplayer I played with occasionally looked at the two guitars and asked: Hey Paul...why does the one has a point and the other a hole underneat?
My answer:
The one is male, the other female!

HA!

Paul

PS: BUT my dear friends let's continue the fantasy.
So Ron and Susan were not starting building those beautiful instruments say 30 years ago.
No-no... in fact they discovered the way to BREED them.
So ...when everybody's at home, when the Alembic premises at Santa Rosa are quiet and dark I guess there is a whole lotta fun in the shop. After some months of care by the Alembicians the basses are grown to be shipped. Now you know why it takes so long to get one.

HA2

Now you ask: What's the story about the non-bass guitars?
Well, there's a story about that joyful bass makin' whoopee in another department. After some periode of embarrasment Ron an Susan accepted also that baby.

HA3

Bob Bell (kipknee) · « **Reply #9 on:** November 25, 2002, 08:29:38 AM »

Jokes I've heard...

How do you get a guitar player to turn down? Put sheet music in front of him.

How do you get a keyboardist to turn down? Take his sheet music away from him.

How do you tell if the stage is level? The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth.

What do you call guys that hang around with musicians? Drummers.

How do you get two guitarists to play in time? Shoot one of them.

How do you know there is a vocalist at your door? They can't find their key and they don't know when to come in.

What's the definition of an optimist? A trombone player with a pager.

I was coming up on a night club and spotted a guy just spanking the tar out of a kid on the front step. I stopped and asked him what he was doing. The guy explained, I'm the bass player in the band that's playing here. This kid snuck up on stage and gave one of my tuning pegs a big twist!
That doesn't sound so bad, I said. Why are you beating up on him?
Well, the guy replied without slowing his spanking. He won't tell me which one!

A boy comes home with a brand new bass guitar under his arm and asks his father to teach him how to play. The father sits him down and says if you want to play bass, you will need to learn the fundamentals of this instrument. He points to the fattest string. That's the E string. Just pluck it with your fingers and play that note over and over again until you feel comfortable with it. The boy retires to his bedroom and practices what he's been taught.
The next day, the boy comes home and the father gives his next lesson. He points to the next string and says That's the A string. Pluck it with your fingers over and over again until you feel comfortable with it. The boy again retreats to practice.
The third day, the boy comes home and the father gives him another lesson. He points to the next string and says That's the D string. Play it over and over again until you feel comfortable with it. The boy again disappears to work on this lesson.
The fourth day, the boy comes in and the father asks? Are you ready for your next lesson, son? The boy replies Can't tonight Dad, I've got a gig!

One guitarist was watching another guitarist restring his guitar. For some reason, it was taking him forever to put the new strings on. He would open up a new string package and then, swearing loudly, throw it in the trash. Finally, the first guitarist's curiosity got the best of him and he walked up and asked the second guitarist what the problem was.
Stupid strings! the second guitarist exclaimed. A whole bunch of 'em have the ball on the wrong end of the string!
Idiot! said the first guitarist. Those are for left-handed guitars!

And of course, an oldie but a goodie: If you threw a violin and a viola off a cliff, which would hit the ground first? Who cares!

That's all I can remember now.

Derwin Moss (bassdude63) · « **Reply #10 on:** November 25, 2002, 08:46:31 PM »

How many Guitarists does it take to replace a lightbulb?
Four...
One to replace the bulb while the other three comment that they could do it better

Michael DeVincenzo (jlpicard) · « **Reply #11 on:** November 25, 2002, 10:10:13 PM »

What's the difference between an onion and and an accordian?...... Nobody cries when you cut up an accordian!

Jazzy Vee (jazzyvee) · « **Reply #12 on:** November 30, 2002, 11:19:41 AM »

Q:Whats the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

A: You only need to punch the instructions into the drum machine ONCE...!!!!

Dino Monoxelos (dean_m) · « **Reply #13 on:** November 30, 2002, 02:28:20 PM »

Q: What's the range of a six string fretless bass??

A: About twenty yards if you've got a good arm

James L. Martin (malthumb) · « **Reply #14 on:** November 30, 2002, 05:08:53 PM »

Hear the one about the guitarist who locked the keys in the band's van? Took him a half hour to get the drummer out.

Author Topic: Ok, my attempt at humor (Read 869 times)

Paul Ellsworth (elzie)

Charles David Tichenor (alembic76407)

Paul Ellsworth (elzie)

Paul Lindemans (palembic)

Jonathan Johnstone (stoney)

Charles David Tichenor (alembic76407)

James L. Martin (malthumb)

Reid Raymond (rraymond)

Paul Lindemans (palembic)

Bob Bell (kipknee)

Derwin Moss (bassdude63)

Michael DeVincenzo (jlpicard)

Jazzy Vee (jazzyvee)

Dino Monoxelos (dean_m)

James L. Martin (malthumb)