Bass Player Infractions

[dean_m]

For those of you that haven't seen this yet!!!
 
Penalties for Bass Infractions
Playing loudly during warm up $10
Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
Loud cursing after mistake $10
Playing high and fast after mistake $20
Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
Asking for E tuning note $25
Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50
Playing written-out walking line $50
Failure to play written walking line $75
Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
Playing eighth notes $5 each
Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
Dragging fast tempo $75
Dragging ballad tempo $100
Blacking out during ballad $200
Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
Following drummer's tempo $250
Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000
UPRIGHT PLAYER
Showing up before first downbeat $25
Playing audibly $25
Faking changes $25  
Slapping $150  
Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25
Excessive sweating $25
Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50
Asking leader for a solo $30
Accepting solo when offered $50
Taking second chorus $100
Playing solo arco $400
Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100
Playing A Train ending on every tune $200
Playing extended A Train ending on every tune $500
 
ELECTRIC PLAYERS
Checking hair between tunes $15
Experimenting with odd meters $25
Missing root at end of blistering fill $25
Playing with a pick $50
Tuning during ballad $30
Playing Jaco groove on samba $75
Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150
Attempting last word on final chord $50
Achieving last word on final chord $100
Long gliss down to final note $200
 
EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
Forgetting strap $10
Changing strings after every set $15
Using electric tuner $15
Setting up mic just in case $75
Forgetting to turn amp on $40
Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4
Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
Skull decals on bass $150
Bringing fretless bass $500
 
CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10
Asking bone player about their day gig $10
Sitting behind drums on break $10
Quoting Birdland $25
Practicing scales during break $25
Practicing scales during drum solo $50
Practicing $150  
Beginning a sentence with When I was a guitar player... $50
Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are
into sequencing $100
 
BASIC STUPIDITY
Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt $10
Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt $20
Asking when the rock set starts $20
Continually asking where are we? $25
Continually shouting Yeah! $25
Asking bone player where 1 is $50
Taking cell phone call during 4's $100

[bigredbass]

When you get fined for saying  
 
THIS is an ALEMBIC. I didn't bring the Fender; what, you raised in a barn?  
 
P R I C E L E S S ! ! !  
 
J o e y
 
(Message edited by bigredbass on September 05, 2003)

[palembic]

Like I answered before brother Paul the fake one: I lost a fortune already reading those penalties!!
Brother Joey, did you received my mail.
Again from here: thanks for helping me in the neck setting almost accomplished!
 
Paul the bad one

[dean_m]

Oh man,
 
You know how many times I've had to explain the Alembic phenomenon to other band members!?!?!?
HA!!!

[dean_m]

Oh man,
 
You know how many times I've had to explain the Alembic phenomenon to other band members!?!?!?
HA!!!

[pastorscott]

I had a musician sarcastically look at my orion and say, What is THAT?  Is there any fine for untuning his guitar??
 

[alembic76407]

There is not a fine for untuning his guitar, but there should be a bonus if he can get it back intune, without a tuner!!!!!!
 
Besides,  most guitar players are happy to play Fenders or Gibsons, only bass players and a few guitar players have enough good taste to play the best
 
just kidding guitar players, nothing personal!!!!

[mikedm]

What would be better is tuning it for him, on stage, without the tuner - well worth the cost!

[alembic76407]

that's priceless !!!!!!!!