Bass Player Jokes

[811952]

Got this one from my younger brother this morning:
 
Q. What do you throw to a drowning bassist?
 
 
 
A. His amp.

[serialnumber12]

Lots of other musician Jokes @//:http://www.ducksdeluxe.com/jokes.html

[jahnahisti]

Q - How do you confuse a bassist?
 
A - Put one of his strings out of tune, but don't tell him which one!
 
 
 
Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
 
A - None, They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand
 
 
 
Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
 
A - One, but the guitarist has to show him first
 
 
 
Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
 
A - Six, one to change it, and the other five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light
 
 
 
Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
 
A - One. Five. One. Five.
 
 
 
Q - Why do bands have bass players?
 
A - To translate for the drummer.
 
 
 
Q -  How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb ?
 
A -  None, The Lead player can do it with his teeth.
 
 
 
Q -  How do you get a bass player off your doorstep?
 
A -  Pay for the pizza.
 
 
 
Q -  What's the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that's just eaten a tin of baked beans?
 
A -  One's a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the other is a rhino.
 
         
 
            * A man gives his son an electric bass for his 15th birthday, along with a coupon for four bass lessons. When the son returns from his first lesson, the father asks, So, what did you learn?
 
            Well, I learned the first five notes on the E string. Next week, after the second lesson, the father again asks about the progress, and the son replies, This time I learned the first five notes on the A string. One week later, the son comes home far later than expected, smelling of cigarettes and beer. So the father asks: Hey, what happened in today's lesson? Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to my lesson; I had a gig!
 
 
 
only the best ones borrowed from: http://www.users.bigpond.com/prodigalson/bass.htm

[jazzyvee]

Lets get back at the drummers now .... :-)
 
Q: Whats the difference between an drummer and a drum machine?
 
A: you only have to punch the instructions into the drum machine once....!!!!

[hydrargyrum]

These are some good jokes.  Now if I can just find a bass player who can read to send them to . . .

[lbpesq]

Q:  What do you call someone who's tone deaf and likes to hang out with musicians?
 
A:  A drummer.
 
 
Q:  What do you call a guitar player who breaks up with his girlfriend?
 
A:  Homeless.
 
 
Bill, tgo (still married with a roof over my head)

[Bradley Young]

We locked the keys in the band van, and it only took us 30 minutes to get the drummer out.
 
How can you tell the stage is level?  The drool runs out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
 
Brad

[reinier]

An oldy I once read in an interview with Mark King:
 
A group of western tourists go on a tour deep into the African jungle. After a march one day from base camp, the group for the 1st time notices the sound of African drums. They think it's all part of the arrangement and that the drums add to the real life character of their exclusive holiday. As they walk deeper into the jungle however, the drumming doesn't stop. Close to their first night camp, the continuous droning is still there, not loud but present to an extent that the first group members start worrying they won't get a good night's sleep. A woman walks up to their native guide and asks: Do these drums ever stop?. The guide looks round horrified and in a conjuring voice he says: Oooh no, the drums must never stop!.
 
The next morning, most of the group indeed slept lousy and during breakfast the continuous droning is the only topic. An hour or so back on the road, another group member, who's become a little less amused than on day 1, walks up to the guide to ask when the drums will stop, but gets the same answer to his question from a once again terrified guide: Oooh no, the drums must never stop!!.  
 
As the jungle gets tougher to walk through and the lack of sleep starts weighin' in heavy, the group gets outright irritated by the sound. Moreover, it's clear that another sleepless night will ruin their expensive trip, so amongst each other they decide to set the guide an ultimatum: either he makes the drums stop or they turn back and will ask for their money back. The spokeswoman of the 1st day walks up to the guide again and desperately brings him up to speed on the group's decision: You must make the drums stop!! They're driving us crazy!! The guide, even more terrified at the thought of the tourist meaning business now, can only reapeat his mantra: Oooh no, the drums must never stop!!. Worn out by too little sleep, the long walk and the back-breaking sound of the drums, the woman cries in agony: But WHY?!!! At least tell us WHY?!!!!
 
With horror in his eyes the guide replies: When the drums stop, the bass solo begins!!!!

[811952]

Classic!

[88persuader]

Q - How do you get a bass player to play quietly?
 
A - Put sheet music in front of him.
 
Q - How do you get a bass play to stop playing?
 
A - Put NOTES on the sheet music.  
 
OK one for singers -
 
Q - How many singers does it take to change a light bulb?
 
A - One ... they hold the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.  
 
OK Trombone players
 
Q - What does a trombone player say when he's working?
 
A - Do you want frys with that?
 
A Trombone player wants to be a band leader, he's tired of always working for someone else. So he tells his agent he doesn't want to work for other band leaders anymore, he wants to run his own band and use his own charts.  
 
So he sits by his phone and keeps calling his agent but the agent doesn't have a gig for him. Finally the phone rings and it's his agent. He says ... OK I got you a gig, you can be the band leader and use your charts but it's a small band because the budget is small. Excited the bone players says, what is it a small group with a horn section? The agent says smaller. Is it a quartette, the agent says Smaller. The bone player finally says ... what is it? The agent says just you and a drummer at the Holiday Inn. The bone player thinks about it and says ... OK I'll do it. The following weekend the duo is playing and the bone players looks at the drummer and says ... Keep playing, I want to walk out and see how the band sounds. (It gets worse!) A few minutes later he comes back and says ... sounds good but the drums are too loud! ............ Sorry I didn't write it, just passed it along! :-)

[fmm]

I've heard that one end with Too much bass.

[Mike Monsalve]

Q - what does a bass player use for birth control?
 
A - their personality

[kungfusheriff]

Q--What's the difference between a lawn mower and a fretless bass?
A--Vibrato.
 
Q--What's the difference between a soprano and a bit bull?
A--Lipstick.
 
Q--What's the definition of an optomist?
A--A trombone player with a pager.
 
Q--What's the difference between a trumpet and a 747?
A--Three decibels.

[57basstra]

What do you call a building full of guitar players?
 
Jail.
________________________________
How do you know when a bass player's knocking at the door?
 
The rhythm slows down and speeds up.
________________________________
 
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
 
No one cries when you cut up a banjo.
_________________________________

[edwin]

How do you know when it's a singer knocking at the door?
 
They've lost the key and don't know when to come in!
 
 
There was an accordian player who locked his accordian in his car. He came back 20 minutes later and found his window broken and 5 more accordians in his car!
 
 
What's perfect pitch on an accordian?
 
When you throw it in a dumpster and it doesn't hit the sides!
 
What's perfect pitch on a banjo?
 
When you throw in the dumpster and it hits the accordian!
 
Edwin