Author Topic: Need some advice (Read 786 times)

57basstra · « **Reply #15 on:** June 26, 2006, 07:32:00 PM »

Follow your gut...not your heart or your head.

bob · « **Reply #16 on:** June 26, 2006, 09:23:50 PM »

Right - assuming you've got a good, properly centered gut, it knows way more than your heart, and certainly more than your head (which is just making things up anyway), and then of course there's that other part that it just totally mindless...

If you aren't comfortable giving each other the space, understanding, and respect that you need now, it's going to be a nightmare down the road. Many people are ready to stereotype men as not being willing to commit, but from the situation you describe, it sounds like the problem is more of someone who is desperate to do so (or perhaps just desperate to get out of another situation, with a good excuse).

My rule of thumb for a while now is that I would have to be pretty seriously involved with someone for a good year or so, before getting really seriously involved - you have to go through some ups and downs, and a lot of different experiences, to really get to know someone.

Sounds like you already know the answer, but it's good that you felt you could find some support here. Perhaps someday you'll let us in on your true identity, but in the meantime I'm not even going to try to guess :-)
-Bob

bigredbass · « **Reply #17 on:** June 26, 2006, 09:56:17 PM »

I feel that the very fact you've come to ask us about this situation (under an assumed name) which has obviously made you THIS nervous should tell you your own answer: I would definitely follow the advice of the hair standing up on the back of your neck.

But hey, I was never lucky enough that they lived 90 miles away! !

J o e y

2400wattman · « **Reply #18 on:** June 26, 2006, 10:16:39 PM »

There are so many variables to look at. Was she married before/is that why she is living w/her mother? If not, & I don't care how this comes off, I believe there is something wrong w/somebody if they have not been married after 18-20 yrs. of adulthood and NOW they want to get married. That much time not committing/compromising w/ another human being on a deep personal level can leave one stuck in a selfish frame of mind that will be hard to break out of. If you have not been to her place yet there is something there that she is reluctant to show you(mom's situation etc.)and wants you to accept it after the fact of engagement or marriage and then you are F***ED! 80 miles is not a great distance to travel to see someone that you care about or even love for that matter(people commute to work in traffic longer than that drive would take every day), so after knowing her for a little more than a year and dating 3 mons. and no visit to mom's place, it's a little shakey. By no means will a relationship work cohesively when the two are not thinking as one. Being forced into that next big step will push you away or suck you in and give her that level of control & strip you of your manhood, depending on what kind of man you are. Then she'll tell you that the Alembic you desire to have is just not important and you need another bass like you need a hole in the head! The last one of those did come from an EX-girl friend. Not knowing more and probably not needing to, You should just cash in your chips and move on. Take care, Adam

bracheen · « **Reply #19 on:** June 27, 2006, 03:15:28 AM »

She lives 80 miles away, you've never been to where she lives, I assume you've not met her mother, she's only been to your place once, she's giving ultimatums about commitment after three months, she gets pissy when you balk at that.

Bro, it sounds like instead of advice you want confirmation of what you already know.

Best of luck Gary.

Sam

glocke · « **Reply #20 on:** June 27, 2006, 03:16:10 AM »

ok, ok...youve all convinced me to ID myself..

She has been married before, for a period of 8 months...Apparently she had dated this guy for a month before marrying him....

Guys, I can't thank you all enough for the great advice Ive been given....Its hard being attracted to someone, and than realizing that it is something that should probably be walked away from, but looking ahead down the road I have a feeling that's probably what I need to do in this situation....

Thanks again...As I said before I don't have a strong social network since I am rather reclusive, so I appreciate being able to come on here and ask for help and advice and getting such speedy, honest answers....you guys are great....

palembic · « **Reply #21 on:** June 27, 2006, 04:15:47 AM »

to Brother Bill TGO

huhuhh ...I din't know you could buy women on E-bay?

?

Paul the bad one

FC Bass · « **Reply #22 on:** June 27, 2006, 04:29:03 AM »

Hello! my 2 Eurocents:
I think you're right and wrong...
You're right about that you should probably walk away. Maybe the woman has got issues that can be solved by the right person. I'ts up to you to determine weather you are or want to be that person, it's you're life and if you choose for the woman it will be affected severely (good or bad) I think that at least 6-12 months of dating before such a big step is very reasonable and having read all the advice above I see I don't stand alone on that.
Which brings me to what I think you're wrong about: Seen the amount of posts here I think you underestimate you're social network!
Cheers! and good luck!
F.C.

811952 · « **Reply #23 on:** June 27, 2006, 05:57:27 AM »

Gregory,

Best of luck. I think Sam and Dave (HAD to type that!) hit the nail(s) on the head.

John

(Message edited by 811952 on June 27, 2006)

keavin · « **Reply #24 on:** June 27, 2006, 07:48:29 AM »

Dude!!! sounds like she wants to get pounded long term(layed/married/control you),,,you maid it to 2nd base already but little did you realize she had a home run from that hit,i don't how good you can suck Tittie's but you opened up a can of worms, i say just play your Alembic cause she's just another Groupee looking for a good Bass player!

glocke · « **Reply #25 on:** June 27, 2006, 08:09:40 AM »

lol...thanks keavin....glad to see there is a general consenus here....

ugh...freaking women....when they are not trying to control you they are trying to drive you insane....

guess Ill just go back to smokin weed and jammin...

keavin · « **Reply #26 on:** June 27, 2006, 08:18:10 AM »

Yeah, Fire up a good joint & plug up that alembic!....but i will say this, 'a good Woman is hard to find'. so never marrie a groupie

paulman · « **Reply #27 on:** June 27, 2006, 08:44:41 AM »

Studies have proven that the leading cause of divorce is marriage.

I just got out of one of these myself, I decided that I got off easy. Things like this are ok to talk about, but once they start to feel like they are forced on you it's time to say thanks, and move on. Just my $.02 . Go with the gut.

olieoliver · « **Reply #28 on:** June 27, 2006, 08:46:25 AM »

WOW, I feel pretty fortunate. I would not want to be a single person (male or female) in this day and age of the ?what?s in it for me? attitude.
I agree with post above that she is probably looking for a way out of ?momma?s? house and feels that you?re the ticket.
This November I will be celebrating my 27th wedding anniversary (to the same woman). Got married at the age of 17 had my first daughter less than a year. I wouldn?t know what its like to be single looking for a mate and darn glad too.
I?ll ?pass? on the weed but all in for the jammin?, anytime anywhere.
Good luck Gregg.

glocke · « **Reply #29 on:** June 27, 2006, 09:32:15 AM »

Congratulations on the upcoming anniversery Olie...

Your right...You dont want to be dating in this day and age...It is pretty darn scary....

I am 38, and have only recently realized that I do not want to live on my own any more, but at the same time I also realize that living alone is better than the alternative of moving in/getting married to someone that may have ulterior motives...I have seen too many of my friends go through some pretty ugly episodes like some that described further up in the thread...