Author Topic: Need some advice (Read 780 times)

mtbazz · « **on:** June 26, 2006, 12:52:49 PM »

Hi All,

I am a long term member here, but under a different name, since I am rather embarrased to be seeking advice here ( I dont really have a strong social network in my life).

I have been dating a woman for the past three months, (whom I have known casually for a year or so). Our dates have been no longer than 5-6 hours at one shot, I usually meet her somewhere....I have not been to her place (she is 39, and lives with her mother), and she has been to my place once (she also lives 80 miles away).....and no, we have not been intimate yet (although I have been to second base)...

Anyway, the other night she started pestering me about her moving in with me,which caught me by surprise....she than started to say that if I won't let her move in, than she wants to get engaged...all this after 3 months of dates...When I mentioned that I would like to date someone for 6-12 months before having them move in, she just started getting pissier.....

Up until this, she did seem stable, and WAS alot of fun to spend time with, but now I am not sure if she has just been playing me all along or not....

Any thoughts??? Should I avoid her like the plauge ?

olieoliver · « **Reply #1 on:** June 26, 2006, 12:56:39 PM »

RUN..Forrest RUN!

811952 · « **Reply #2 on:** June 26, 2006, 01:21:19 PM »

Yes, RUN! If she's not willing and/or able to honor your comfort level this early on, it's not going to get any better with time. Nothing to be embarrassed about, though. I was married to Satan for a year back in the day, and it began much as your present situation. Best of luck, because you're gonna need it!

John

precarius · « **Reply #3 on:** June 26, 2006, 01:30:33 PM »

I agree with Olie. I have a neighbor who is going through the same thing, only he let her move in. She went psycho and had the police remove him from his own house! She ran up his credit cards and stole cash from him and he's still paying for it. Go rent Fatal Attraction and watch it over and over till this is out of your system.
Mike

southpaw · « **Reply #4 on:** June 26, 2006, 01:35:27 PM »

My 2 cents; It sounds like she is trying to get away from Mom's house ASAP. What's the situation at her Mom's house? Lots of tension? arguing? other sibling living there too?
I believe there is some hidden baggage here. I agree, move on, there are lots of nice girls out there with less baggage.

mtbazz · « **Reply #5 on:** June 26, 2006, 01:36:27 PM »

thanks guys....ugh....maybe I should just marry my alembic....

olieoliver · « **Reply #6 on:** June 26, 2006, 01:42:31 PM »

Marry the Alembic, it always looks good sporting a G string.

(Message edited by olieoliver on June 26, 2006)

mikedm · « **Reply #7 on:** June 26, 2006, 02:31:36 PM »

(Message edited by groovelines on June 26, 2006)

olieoliver · « **Reply #8 on:** June 26, 2006, 02:50:46 PM »

(Message edited by olieoliver on June 26, 2006)

olieoliver · « **Reply #9 on:** June 26, 2006, 02:51:26 PM »

Doesn't really matter what gauge. You can put on a 105 ga as a G string and it still won't cover cracks on the back.

keith_h · « **Reply #10 on:** June 26, 2006, 03:38:20 PM »

I think any relationship has to progress at the pace both are comfortable with. If the parties cannot agree on the pace then the long term health of the relationship is not good. Pressure by one party or the other to reach a certain point or status is not good. Given what little I've heard I would think backing off would be a reasonable decision. It is better to part company earlier than later when there is much more baggage for everybody involved.

Keith

David Houck · « **Reply #11 on:** June 26, 2006, 04:36:23 PM »

As others have stated, we have, and can only have, very little knowledge about the situation; interpersonal dynamics are very complex. But it does appear that this person is attached to the idea of being married; and that just doesn't seem to be a good sign. I would further suggest that you should be aware of your own desire for companionship and not let such desire cloud your judgement. Joy in life comes from within. And while sharing life with a companion can be wonderful, it is not a requirement for true happiness. My guess is that this person thinks that being married will make her happy; but being married is just a concept. She may be attached to some fantasy of the future; but true happiness is about what is happening now. It seems to me that a relationship should be about unconditional acceptance of the other person just as they are. But that's just my view. And again, I really know, and can only know, very little about the situation; I may be way off base.

mtbazz · « **Reply #12 on:** June 26, 2006, 04:44:54 PM »

Not too far off base Dave...relationsho dynamics aside, What I described is pretty much the gist of the situation....While it did seem to be a good thing, now that I have been given demands and an ultimatum, and taking into account that she is 39 and living with her elderly mother, I am now wondering if she has been playing me all along.....

I think I am just going to tell her I need to step back from this for a little while...

Thanks everyone....

lbpesq · « **Reply #13 on:** June 26, 2006, 06:30:31 PM »

When I was younger, I used to believe that people should live together for at least 6 months before getting married.

Now that I'm a little older (VERY loose interpretation of little), I've revised my position. I now believe that people should be married for at least 6 months before they live together!

As a very wise lawyer I know often says: If it doesn't feel right, don't do it

And to quote brother Paul, tbo: there will always be another, there will always be another...

To quote me: marriage is a LOT easier to get into than out of

And to quote numerous friends: Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it!

Bill, tgo

jalevinemd · « **Reply #14 on:** June 26, 2006, 07:29:01 PM »

To quote Abbott and Costello...

Marriage is a three ring circus. First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.