Gentlemen and ladies: Here's my two cents: at age 50 I'm starting to realize that most relationship problems boil down to a) communication issues and b) selfishness. Add drugs or alcohol and you have no chance of getting by these issues.
Bands, like marriages, are partnerships, and the individual interest has to be secondary to the common interest. There are psychological models for how groups reach a consensus - look at how decisions are being made and see if there is an action you could take to change that, if you want, or to leave it behind, and move on. Not everyone is devoid of relationship skills. You can find cooler dudes who are down.
To the extent me and my bandmates are responsible adults, we have a meeting of minds, a plan, and mutual respect. Since bands are typically composed of anarchic sensitive artist types, no-one wants to play democracy, let alone autocracy. There's always a tension between what I want and what they want, and the resolution is knowing when to take and communicate a position (i.e., have an opinion) and when to let something go. I overprepare, I learn every song that gets mentioned at practice, and I'm not wedded to any particular song. But I wouldn't play Skynrd either!
Lead by example, be the coolest dude in the band, realize your contribution is invaluable. You're irreplaceable and you have total choice over who you make music with. Don't settle for less than chill coolsome irie vibes, heart to heart, music with brothers and sisters - it does show to the listeners, the dancers - they love to see you loving your music and your band. So love 'em or leave 'em.
Michael
