Author Topic: Numbers (Read 1607 times)

57basstra · « **Reply #15 on:** April 11, 2009, 07:48:37 PM »

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, I can do that!

bsee · « **Reply #16 on:** April 11, 2009, 07:59:56 PM »

A drunk walks into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, Hey, get out of here, we can't serve you if you're already that drunk!

A minute later, the drunk walks back into the bar.

The bartender looks up, again, and says, I told you, get out of my bar, I can't serve you if you're already hammered!

A minute later, the drunk again walks back into the bar.

The frustrated bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and asks, How many bars do you own, anyway?

57basstra · « **Reply #17 on:** April 11, 2009, 08:03:48 PM »

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

bsee · « **Reply #18 on:** April 11, 2009, 08:14:45 PM »

As far as the server time goes, maybe it is on vacation in Denver? Servers need a break now and then as well.

cozmik_cowboy · « **Reply #19 on:** April 11, 2009, 08:41:12 PM »

Maybe it got a gig; every server I've ever met is really an actor or musician.

Peter

bsee · « **Reply #20 on:** April 11, 2009, 10:15:01 PM »

A man walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, Give me a dozen shots of your best Scotch, straight up.

The bartender sets up the the glasses and starts pouring them out and the man starts drinking them as quickly as the bartender serves them.

The bartender is surprised and starts a conversation as the man downs his eighth shot. He asks, Why are you drinking them down so fast? If you had what I have, you'd be drinking fast, too.

As the man tosses back the last shot, the concerned bartender asks, So, what do you have? About a buck and a quarter.

57basstra · « **Reply #21 on:** April 11, 2009, 10:46:49 PM »

Q: How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven; one to change and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.

jbybj · « **Reply #22 on:** April 11, 2009, 11:51:25 PM »

A woman goes to her green grocer and asks for a pound of broccoli. He says I'm sorry, we're out of broccoli, how about some spinach?

O.K. she says, I'll have a pound of broccoli.

I'm sorry ma'am, but we are out of broccoli, how about some squash?

O.K. she says, I'll have a pound of broccoli.

I told you, we are out of broccoli, how about some beets?

O.K. she says, I'll have a pound of broccoli.

Frustrated the grocer asks, can you spell dog, as in dogma?

d.o.g. says the woman.

And can you spell cat as in catnip?

c.a.t. says the woman.

And then the grocer asks, can you spell f**k as in broccoli?

What? she says, there's no f**k in broccoli!

Thats what I've bee trying to tell you!!!!!

57basstra · « **Reply #23 on:** April 12, 2009, 05:48:59 AM »

Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it's electrified.

Some years back some musician ?acquaintances? had asked me to sit in with their Bluegrass band on my upright since their bass player was under the weather. We were playing a rather large benefit show where I knew a goodly number of those in attendance. I told this one. The audience loved it. I have not been asked back to play with that combo. (not just because I told this one, but because I also had my bass outfitted with a pickup and I was playing through a small amp.)

precarius · « **Reply #24 on:** April 12, 2009, 05:51:37 AM »

How do you get a drummer off your front porch?
You pay him for the pizza!

goop · « **Reply #25 on:** April 12, 2009, 07:23:29 AM »

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

They taste funny.

lbpesq · « **Reply #26 on:** April 12, 2009, 11:20:19 AM »

Q: How many New Jersey State Troopers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: I'll ask the questions around here!

Q: How many Jewish mothers dos it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None - Don't worry, I'll sit in the dark!

Q: How many people from Marin County does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: They don't, they screw in hot tubs!

The tribe of cannibals had just cooked up the local missionary. They formed a line and as the first cannibal approached, the cook asked what do you want? The cannibal replied give me a thigh. The cook placed a thigh on the cannibal's plate and said here's your thigh, go over there and get a beer with it. The next cannibal came up and asked for an arm. The cook placed it on the cannibal's plate and said here's your arm, go over there and get a beer with it. The third cannibal approached and said just give me any thing. The cook placed a piece of missionary on his plate and said here's your thing, go over there and get a coke with it. The third cannibal questioned how come the other guys got a beer and I get a coke? The cook replied because things go better with coca cola!

Bill, tgo

hifiguy · « **Reply #27 on:** April 12, 2009, 06:29:20 PM »

How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to stand around bitching about how that isn't the way that Jaco would have done it.

richbass939 · « **Reply #28 on:** April 12, 2009, 10:07:41 PM »

A little local humor.
Q: How many people from NW Colorado does it take to eat a jackrabbit?
A: Three. One to eat the jackrabbit and two to watch for cars.

P.S. Peter-Cozmik Cowboy, your post was flippin' hilarious.
Rich

mario_farufyno · « **Reply #29 on:** April 13, 2009, 05:38:30 AM »

What is the difference between a Bassist and a Pizza?

A Pizza can feed entire family...