Songs in The Key of Meat: Zut Plays This 70's Microwave Thermometer/Attachment.

[Zut8083]

They say that idle hands are the devil's play-thing.  Well, what I just dug out of our moving boxes counts as a friend of the Devil, and a friend of mine: this vintage 1970's meat thermometer that was used inside my old microwave.  Astonishingly, it uses a 1/4" phono jack.  That means it might fit an extension cable and could generate an amplifiable signal that is temperature, tenderloin, or otherwise signal dependent on its environment. 

All it needs is an amp I could potentially destroy, some decent rubber gloves (2x black nitrile tattooist gloves and another layer over them with duct-taped palms should work), a rubber "welcome" mat to stand on, an ABC fire extinguisher, a concrete slab, and maybe a bucket of sand.  But where do I find the meat and a...I GOT IT!

A COSTCO RUN AND THE POTENTIALLY DAMAGED BEHRINGER WILL SOLVE THE PROBLEM, AND JUST IN TIME FOR THE FOURTH OF JULY, NO LESS!  This has "good bad idea" written all over it!  The Spirit of '76 is back!

In all seriousness, this is intriguing and I might check it out.  Might.  I will let y'all know what it does to our renter's insurance if I get bored enough.  Cheers!

-Zut

[pauldo]

Video or it never happened...   

[Zut8083]

Darn tootin'!

[peoplechipper]

This looks like the kind of bad idea that starts out a sci-fi film; please do it!

[Zut8083]

I am still planning on how to use it.  I might be able to get a 1/4" to 1/8" adaptor and route it into my Tascam DR-05 and avoid using the behringer at first, and get an answer as to whether things work in a frying pan without wasting time melting the probe housing on a grill.  If the Tascam records a signal from a heated meat matrix, then I think I will try to use the probe and record through the bigger, questionable amp using with precautions. 

Then, who knows?

[cozmik_cowboy]

This may, indeed, cause damage - so skip the Tascam (as it has some value) and go right to the Behringer.   

Peter

[Zut8083]

Well then, I may just break out my fire retardant lab coat and the 2 fire retardant under-layers to exceed ~100 cal/cm^2 protection, just for the occasion.  That's like an arc flashsuit.  But I absolutely will be wearing cotton shorts and loafers, or some other exciting form of cabana-wear, and mylarized sunblock that could still create a chimney of burning hair and lacking social grace.

Therefore, for the sake of style, it could end up smelling like a Burger King caught fire if the Behringer does not behave.  Harumph, people could be so lucky.  Well, back to planning the showdown with the hamplifier.

[StefanieJones]

Make sure you video it, too

[Zut8083]

Oooh, but I have performance anxiety.  I guess I'm going to have to wear eye protection and crack open a fancy new pair of L'EGGS to keep my identity occluded, because nothing is too good for science or the forum.

[StephenR]

Eugene Chadbourne has an amplified toaster and an electric rake that he uses in live shows. He "played" the toaster through my Mesa Boogie Studio 22 with no mishaps. I never asked how he amplified the toaster but whatever he is using for a pickup is sturdy enough to survive the toaster being flung across the stage. The rake had contact pickups on it and makes an ungodly noise when dragged across the floor or when the tines on the rake are plucked or attacked with various objects.

Look forward to the results of your experiment...

[Zut8083]

Me, too.  I hope this to be the first successful thermoacoustic, and not acoustic thermobaric, performance on Independence Day of Stars and Stripes Forever. 

I also hope my eyebrows grow back one day.

[peoplechipper]

SO WHAT HAPPENED!!!!

[elwoodblue]

SO WHAT HAPPENED!!!!

 Sooooper Genius

[Zut8083]

What happened?  I bought the steaks for my smoker, I ordered the 1/4" extension, but I needed to get a better webcam, and then I need to suck in my gut for the camera (I need to dust off and don "The Shatner") to do this thing, before editing the footage so that is acceptable to indicate failure or success.  I am sorry it didn't get recorded for posterity or hilarity at my expense.  The Fourth of July (here in the US) turned out to be totally chaotic with some family issues, and the acquisition of these items were delayed due to financial reasons, mail reasons, and some ongoing family reasons that I may go into if absolutely needs be at a later point.  These are not excuses,  I didn't plan far enough ahead to circumvent problems with my intended timeframe.  Hang tight, I plan to do this tomorrow, Saturday, and try the probe in my smoker and on the stove top/in the oven (wrapped in tin foil)...connected to the practice amp inside, if it behaved itself outside, and only for a few minutes.

Thank you for your patience.  I am sorry that my imminent immolation for music and delicious steak alike has been delayed, but not canceled.   Mmmm...steak.   Mmm...Peking Zut.  Cheers.

-Zut

[Zut8083]

Right.  Crap.

So, here was the plan: fire up the homemade terracotta smoker so that the microwave thermocouple/probe wouldn't go bananas or fry like it could in a grill or an oven, and have a laugh.

Here were the obstacles: get extension cord for amp and smoker away from domicile onto concrete, get 1/4" audio extender cable for the retro microwave thermometer, get web camera/microphone system because my laptop's microwave goes in and out and I would imagine stepping away from the computer to test meat as an instrument, get a fire extinguisher, etc.

So, meat was just readied to be brined/marinated for test number one, a test run outside after seeing what a hairdryer on the probe would do.  So I went to prep smoker while the meat and wood chips soaked in anticipation for smoking, aaaand...

Then I found there is a freaking family of field mice living in my dang smoker.  Did I learn anything from John Hurt in "Alien"?  Nope.  I takes the glass lid off the smoker to more clearly see what looked like brush and hay and detritus in the smoker, and then OUT POPS A GIANT FIELD MOUSE 3-4" LONG WITHOUT COUNTING THE TAIL, and the little freeloader runs out the bottom of the smoking chamber, right out where the air-intake was left unplugged.  By me.  A few weeks ago.  Because I haven't seen any mice yet, just gophers.

Dumb me.  Therefore, now, I will inconvenience you with a further delay for the live meat test, instead using a hair dryer to thermally induce signal, detecting it first with a multimeter, and then with the Behringer once I have the fire extinguisher.  Then I will revisit this and get a table top grill set up with a custom moat filled with small sharks, all while I figure out how to ditch the unwanted subleters and dispose of their housing to minimize contact.

Please accept my apologies for this undying and agonizing odyssey into weird tomfoolery.  It has taken far too long to safely test the hypothesis, "Will it squeal, or just explode my practice amp?"  Jon was right: I should have sent the amp to Behringer heaven in the driveway, long ago.

Ugh.  Thanks.  Sorry for the technical difficulties.