Simon,
If cats could talk, I suspect they'd say things like:
Would you please try to read the newspaper, so I can lay on it?
Oh goody, he's on the computer again! Let me jump on the keyboard.
Give me the tuna and nobody gets hurt.
Paper bags rock. Especially at night!
Ahhh. Lap.
Scratch right... no. left. Ahhhh. right there.
Brad