Happy Holidays

[laytonco]

I found this to be very funy, and pertinent! Happy Holidays to all.
 
Peace, Gil
 
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
 
His workers no longer would answer to Elves,
Vertically Challenged they were calling themselves.
 
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
 
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
 
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
 
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!?
 
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
 
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
 
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called Unenlightened.
 
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows:
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
 
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
 
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
 
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
 
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
 
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
 
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
 
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
 
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
 
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
 
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
 
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
 
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
 
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
 
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
 
May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth.

[crobbins]

Lol. Merry Christmas.

[jacko]

Superb Gil! Happy Christmas and peace on earth to you and yours.
 
graeme

[crobbins]

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Steve Kimock was stirring and starting to grouse.
The masters were archived and stacked very near,
in hopes he?d remember who he played with this year.
 
The memories were cloudy, all dim from the buds,
just visions of hippies, dancing, and drugs.
Some guy in a 'headband, and one in a cap,
?Don?t I pay some guy? to keep track of this crap??  
 
When out on the roof there arose such a clatter,
He put down his guitar to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
tore open the shutter, it must be the hash?
 
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
projected a lightshow on the musicians below,
when, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
but a full-on PA and all of their gear!
 
Slowly but surely, not lively and quick,
he knew in a moment he must do the schtick.
More rapid than eagles, his bandmates they came,
and he whistled and shouted and called them by name:  
 
All of the guys in my sit-ins with Banyan,
Perkins, Waldman, and Rob Wass-erman.
There?s Jerry Joseph and all of his friends,
(Since the Zero fans trashed him I should make amends.)?
 
There?s Vega all groovy. There?s Molo a?flailin.
I don?t quite believe it but Ray White is wailin.
Second to Phil asking me to rejoin,
Who would have guessed we'd all show for the coin?
 
 
Do I have to mention all of the crazies in Zero?
Look, from Trident, there?s Danny Degennaro.
and DSO, and PBS, and Melvin?s JGB,  
I hardly remember Jacob Fred Jazz Odyssey.?
 
?I loved it when Mickey gave me a call,  
so many drummers I can?t name them all.
All the guys in Ratdog, look there?s Bob Weir,
He said, I?m the best thing next to canned beer!?
 
?I played with a Phish, and a Mountain of Venus,
and a couple of Cheeses (which one is the genius?)
I see George Porter Jr and a couple of Feat,
I?m sure I played shows with Martin and Pete.
 
Pryor, Sipe, Walter; I sure payed my dues,
Hell I started the year jammin all thru Jam Cruise!
So many bands, I can?t recall SKB.
a machine gun for hire, that?s the new me.
 
But looking back now, the best thing I did,  
was strummin along? in front of my kid.?

[edwin]

The memories were cloudy, all dim from the buds,
just visions of hippies, dancing, and drugs.
Some guy in a 'headband, and one in a cap,
?Don?t I pay some guy? to keep track of this crap??  
 
That would be Charlie Miller.
 
Edwin

[laytonco]

Blow me away. I'm listening to a Charlie Miller special right now on archive. 10-9-77, McNichols Area.