Alembic Guitars Club
Connecting => Miscellaneous => Topic started by: StefanieJones on September 06, 2021, 01:22:15 PM
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... down and found in FB memories. Maybe some will appreciate it. I found it funny when I read it, because it almost made sense. Unlike most that I wrote.
At one time, you hung on every word like the dew hangs on blades of grass. I suppose time has evaporated it all, so much so that tears cannot even form let alone fall. A sallow smile forms on dry lips never to be kissed. Once upon a time... once upon a rhyme....eternity has been missed.
Now if I could just find the motivation to play again, THAT would be something.
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After that last surgery, I lost all desire to play after I could play again. Totally the opposite of what I thought, and expected would happen... couldn't even hear it in my head anymore. It comes back, Stef.
Let the burden go. (((hug))) :)
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thanks! hugs are my drugs :D
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Beautifully written. The dew, the evaporation, the tears that don't fall, the dry lips.
On the motivation to play ... One way to look at it, is that the universe wants to play, and you are its instrument. And the particular thing it wants to play requires just this particular instrument. These hands, this heart; this life lived; this human being.
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Had to listen to, With these hands. Thank you, David <3
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Beautiful, Stephanie, and David is spot on….and every thing will be all right….
Don't worry, about a thing
'Cause every little thing, gonna be all right
Singin', don't worry, about a thing
'Cause every little thing, gonna be all right
Rise up this mornin'
Smile with the risin' sun
Three little birds
Pitched by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true
Sayin', "This is my message to you, whoo-hoo"
Singin', don't worry, about a thing
'Cause every little thing, is gonna be all right
Singin', don't worry, don't worry 'bout a thing
'Cause every little thing, gonna be all right
Rise up this mornin'
Smile with the risin' sun
Three little birds
Pitched by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true
Sayin', "This is my message to you, whoo-hoo"
Singin', don't worry, about a thing
Worry about a thing, no
Every little thing, gonna be all right
Don't worry
Singin', don't worry, about a thing
I won't worry!
'Cause every little thing, gonna be alright
Hmm don't worry, about a thing
'Cause a every little thing, gonna be all right
I won't worry
Baby don't worry, about a thing
'Cause every little thing, is gonna be all right
Say, don't worry about a thing, no girl
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right
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Aww Rob, now those are beautiful words. :D
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Stefanie,
I may understand. I know this fellow (me) who bought a second property and was uprooted from his musical circle. Every waking moment of energy was put into keeping both properties going. Instruments gathered dust. Music was still important and appreciated, but the creating of music was lost. That loss was recognized deep inside.
The deep inside loss was often just a murmur as it was clouded and squelched by ‘responsibilities’, traveling to and fro, earning an income and worrying about what would hit the fan next. Sometimes the deep inside loss would roar, and that was released in inappropriate outbursts of anger, often directed towards loved ones, sometimes directed to the self. Because the roar was misinterpreted as an uprising of chaos from afore mentioned tasks, not being recognized as a deep loss, destructive behaviors were being nurtured. This went on for years. Then a messenger came via technology.
An old band mate decided to reproduce songs from 40 years ago. Songs from the basement, from our youth. I was frightened, the callouses were gone, the knowledge was still there but what if the groove was gone? Small steps were taken and the tone blossomed through the darkness, the ‘responsibility’ list grew to include “self-care”. Music is medicine, it is an expression of ourselves, it expresses, anger, fear, sickness, good and bad times. My bad times are still present and the burden of two properties is heavy with over 200 miles separating them. The bass playing brought back memories, one song after another being put out. Then something bad happened.
An inappropriate outburst occurred. I was dismissed from my job with a background of 16 years. The way our society has evolved I was viewed as a threat, not as a Valued Employee who was having trouble. They didn’t bother to reach out, instead I was shunned and let go. I still am reeling and have nightmares. I do recognize that being released is a blessing, with the current imbalance of the worker to job ratio there are many great employment opportunities out there. The truth is all I know is Manufacturing, and much of that field is apathetic, from the holding company CEO through the ranks to the local Plant Manager and Supervisoy teams. This does not align with my work ethic which was learned growing up… no excuse for expressing my truth in an inappropriate way, I own what I did and the unfortunate outcome. Anyhow… POW, just like that the music was gone from my life.
I was really having a blast redoing parts from 40 years past. Reinventing what was a bass line that was obviously influenced by ‘such and such’, and honoring that influence but also adding 4 decades of experience to it. I was having the time of my life with headphones and a Distillate, doing the same track over and over, painting the canvass and then saying… “No I can do this better”. Or “If I play off the lyrics here it will reinforce the dynamics” and even a “Oops! What a very surprising and refreshing ‘happy little accident”, I am going to keep that because of the pure spontaneity of it”. But just like that there was nothing, everything overshadowed by anxiety and job searching and feeling pressure (and judgement) from those around me. No desire to get out of bed let alone have to plug in an instrument, que up a recorder and press play. My mind knew I needed the Music Medicine but my soul was crushed.
It took me nearly two months to open up the case again, to dust off the bass and get back to it. I still don’t have employment and the bank account is getting low. But I have Music, I have an active, engaged role with music. Some days it is just playing along with random YouTube stuff, sometimes focused playing. I may only get a half hour in for a whole week… but THAT matters. Self-care should be everyone’s priority right now. Yes, make sure to love others and help the many that are in need to the best of your ability, but Don’t. Lose. Yourself. in these troubled times.
Stefanie, that was a long winded, self-focused diatribe that hopefully sheds light to you. I hear you. I know what it feels like to “not want to play”.
I have no idea what burden you carry right now. Give yourself permission to set that burden down, pick up that bass and play. It may start off rough and if you do get frustrated, don’t torture yourself… put the bass down, but come back to it. You know deep down inside it can help you, it can help us get through the sh*t show that feels like it won’t end. You got this, you are strong.
Paul (expounding on the same message other forum members have given and sending love to all who need it)
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Oh boy, trouble in the energy field!
So sorry some are in deep water. it can be difficult to rise when you feel pulled down.
Remember, life is strange in how it can play out. No matter what happens it will work out in the end.
This one thing from a song we wrote long ago keeps me going: The only thing that stays the same is change
Stef and Paul (and all!) Reach out for help if "it" gets too low. We are here, and now n some ways have been there. If it wasn't for music I'd be in much worse shape in all ways.
Stay gold guys!
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*hugs* Paul thanks for the great reply. I know and understand where you're coming from and really appreciate you sharing with me.
Thanks Roger, that's a great saying. One to always keep in mind as the universe is ever changing.
Speaking of change, I went through a lot of changes 30 years ago. Some said I was an inspiration, others said crazy. I found with change comes loss, but also gain. It may take time to find the gain but it comes. Hopefully, the gains are more than the losses.
Regarding playing, it's a feeling of too much trouble moving gear, setting up, breaking down, dealing with egomaniacs, all the typical stuff lol. And the other side may just be getting lazy as I get older. I'm sure I'll pick up the bass eventually. For now, I strum and sing a couple of sings to little Ollie.
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Before I retired I played pretty much everyday, went to open mic's and played in bands of one sort or another. After I retired my playing fell off to a few times a week as other life stuff came to the forefront. In addition to the typical things you mention as reasons my playing when employed was a way for me to work off the stress and negative energy that builds up in a corporate job. When the stress of that job went away so did one of the reasons behind my playing.
It's been eleven years now since I've retired and few years ago I just didn't feel like playing much at all. I haven't really tried to evaluate why but it was to the point I took the batteries out of my basses and put them in their cases. I still pulled them out a couple of times a year and fiddled around for a bit before packing them back up. That was it. Playing just didn't feel right.
As you've probably noticed I had a thread about looking for a microamp. This came about after I have pulled out a couple of my basses for the occasional fiddling around and enjoyed what I was doing. Rather than pack everything up when I was done I figured I would get a small amp I could keep close by downstairs so I could plug in when I felt like it or take with me when my wife and I are traveling. I'm not playing everyday and don't know if I'll ever get back to that but I am playing a few days a week. Sometimes for no more that 15 - 20 minutes but I'm enjoying it which is why we should be playing anyway isn't it?
So I guess what I'm saying it's ok not to feel like playing. It is ok to not be able to pin it down as to why or determine the why is everything. There is no reason to worry over it and to remember you will get back to playing when it feels right. Even if that is just for your own pleasure in your own home or for crowds of adoring fans. It will happen when it does. :)
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Regarding playing, it's a feeling of too much trouble moving gear, setting up, breaking down, dealing with egomaniacs....
Stop me if I've told this one before, but - at my mother-in-law's wake, I was talking to a bassist I'd worked for in 3 bands, and hadn't talked to in a couple years (he was then working on a loading dock with my B-I-L). Asked if he was gigging, and he said he was just recording in the living room: "The worst thing about it is there are no other musicians. The best thing about is is there are no other musicians."
Peter
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Stef and Paul (and all!) Reach out for help if "it" gets too low. We are here, and now n some ways have been there. If it wasn't for music I'd be in much worse shape in all ways.
Roger. Thank YOU
*hugs* Paul thanks for the great reply. I know and understand where you're coming from and really appreciate you sharing with me.
Stefanie (and Roger and all).
September is Suicide Awareness month.
Seeing the OP reaffirmed that all of us are living in troubled times. It is really easy to turn on a tv and become depressed AF.
I don’t mind sharing my woes to help others know we are not alone in being bummed out.
The human psyche is NOT designed to handle 24/7 news /social media bombardment of doom and gloom around the globe. Life can be hard by itself let alone feeling the burden of the whole world. Sadly ratings seem to shine when Media uses fear and loathing (apologies to Hunter S.) to spin their wares…
Anyhow, I am good.
Stefanie and anyone else - I sincerely hope that you are all good also. I truly love the core member bass* here at the Alembic Club. This feels like a purposeful community with values steeped in compassion, consideration and care.
Stay cool and let the awareness of this month radiate out year round.
Paul (who knows too many who felt an early exit was an answer)
*intentional use of that spelling… you know, keep it low stay outta treble! ;)
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Stefanie and anyone else - I sincerely hope that you are all good also. I truly love the core member bass* here at the Alembic Club. This feels like a purposeful community with values steeped in compassion, consideration and care.
...
Paul (who knows too many who felt an early exit was an answer)
*intentional use of that spelling… you know, keep it low stay outta treble! ;)
I'm not in any way suicidal. Too busy watching the baby boy grow. (and marvel at how freaking fast!) I don't remember kids growing this fast when my daughter was born, lol.
The words posted in my OP were from an old FB post from 5 years ago. The time relevance was the only the playing aspect. I apologize for giving the wrong impression and cause for concern. :/
I AM tired a lot, lol. Keeping up with the 7 month old is hard work *sweating emote*
Other than finding motivation for playing, life is moving right along.
Paul, I agree so much about this community. It's the best. There's so much shared and so much love given to each of us that it's a very special place to be. Thank you to every single person. Each making this place more than one would think it could be.
Oh, and there's not many "treble" makers either :P
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:D
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This feels like a purposeful community with values steeped in compassion, consideration and care.
Paul
Exactly. I think there ought to be a word that encompasses all that mixed together. Oh, wait - there is! It's "Hippies"!
Peter
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MS. Jones, I've had several times in my life playing bass where I simply walked away for a while. Life can get very hard, can spin your priorities, and sometimes these things become suddenly more important than those things.
I took my 'walkabouts' away from the damn things as normal, as I just didn't even want to see one, much less play, or especially go back to a band.
Usually, over time, the yearning would begin to manifest itself, and little by little, I'd get intrigued enough to begin again. I took this as a normal turn of events, as for much of my life, I obsessed myself with basses, playing, listening, the whole deal, often to the exclusion of everything else in my life, a large mistake, but hey, my hair was on fire to do it, and I was determined to do it, big time.
I found it was like riding a bike, you get rusty, but you don't forget. And often, the time away spurred different ways of thinking or imagining different concepts. This was very healthy for me.
Infants and toddlers are 25-hour-a-day job, and no wonder you're tired and a little de-horsed to play bass. Family comes first, and children are at the head of that line.
But I'd dare say life will adjust, you'll feel the itch calling you very quietly one day, and you can begin again when you're ready to do it at whatever level suits you at that time.
All the Best,
JW
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… And often, the time away spurred different ways of thinking or imagining different concepts. This was very healthy for me.
^^^. That is exactly what recently happened to me and it is exciting and fun and amazingly cool.
Exactly. I think there ought to be a word that encompasses all that mixed together. Oh, wait - there is! It's "Hippies"!
Peter
I am glad someone is listening! :) ;) :)
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I hear you about being tired. There is also the disruption to daily routines and inability to start any long projects since you never know how long nap time will last. My granddaughter turned one this past Saturday and I have been taking care of her during the day since last October. Even though we were younger when raising our kids and had more energy I now have a greater appreciation for what my wife dealt with on a daily basis. Little motors with BIG batteries. I do have to say I am more relaxed this go around knowing when to be worried or not about something the little one has done.
And now back to her highness who has decided she is done entertaining herself and that it is time for granddad to keep her occupied. Thank goodness it is time to move the laundry to the dryer as she loves to take the stuff out of the washer before putting it back in for me to move.
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I am so jealous, Keith! Ours are one, two, and three time zones away.......
I sent the oldest pic of him & I on my motorcycle when he was 7 to show his son; he & his wife professed amazement that I was 28 in the shot, and that She & I were able to do our parenting when we were so young & clueless. We, on the other hand, are exhausted just thinking about them being 44, with a 4-y-o & 2.5-y-o twins (and I can assure you - they are just as clueless as we [and all other parents] were. Grandparents = the people who think your children are perfect - even though they're sure you're raising them wrong).
Peter
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Little motors with BIG batteries.
Doesn't this sum it up perfectly! Goodness. I always feel like I need a nap. I KNOW the grandson wants to sleep when he's rubbing his eyes and yawning non stop. But wow he fights it like no one ever thought possible. :D I'm thinking in my head, please sleep... so I can. <3
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We adopted ten week old kitten sisters in July. Going through very similar things. Thankfully they seem to be on the same nap schedule. Once we get them down, Senior Management and I just want to collapse from near exhaustion. But boy are they cute and fun!
Bill, tgo